You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say. -F. Scott Fitzgerald
I apologize for bringing anyone down, or reminding
anyone of something they once went or are currently going
through.
I'm hoping, that in sharing my feelings on what depression has done to me,
that it will help others going through the same types of experiences,
to know they are not alone.
However, I don't have that many people to confide in, so
I write my thoughts here.
As each day passes my depression chips away a little more
of my soul, bit by bit.
It saddens me to say this, but it's very true.
In a couple of weeks I will be going to my very first
therapy session.
I'm glad to be finally getting some help, but at the same time
I truly wish that it did not have to get to this point.
It's not that I frown on therapy, it's just that for many years
I was able to rely on my friends for support. And that was more
enough, unfortunately that's just not the case anymore.
Me of all people, it still blows my mind, all these years later,
that I'm in this situation.
My social circle dwindled down to NOTHING!!!
Everyday for me is so immensely long, I have no job, no friends to
go out with, and very few people to talk with on the telephone.
The isolation is excruciating. However, I'm not a loner by nature.
I don't have issues with being alone that in of itself. Everyone has periods
when they need to be by themselves, whether their taking a breather
after a stressful situation, or simply just enjoying their own company.
However, human interaction is where I thrive.
And that's why this next bit is so ironic.
I recently joined Facebook, in an effort to reconnect with people
I care about, that I hadn't seen in a while.
Hoping, to reestablish certain relationships, and finally have some
social interaction again.
But looking at all the photos of people that I don't see on a regular
basis, happy and laughing, talking about all the places they've been to
and how much fun they're having is like a knife in my heart.
I had such high hopes when I joined, but now visiting Facebook is
breaking my heart.
Believe me, I don't begrudge them their happiness, I only want the
best for them, and always will. But why have I become the person on
the outside looking in?
It's wrong on so many levels.
It's such a struggle to get from one hour to the next, let alone one
day to the next. But I'm hangin' in there.
I deserve better!!! and I will fight like hell to get it.
I don't know what the future holds, but I do know I'd like to have my
friendships back.
As for now, I'll sit patiently in the waiting room reading a Soap Opera
Weekly, anxious to hear what God's plan is for me.
Cheers
